Hello, Dear Friends, and Happy Belated International Women’s Day.
‘Solidarity’, work-in-progress by Nora Lark 3/2023
I wanted to have this painting finished for you yesterday. This has been brewing in me for months, something that depicts solidarity with the women’s and liberation movement in Iran. Dynamics of gendered labor equality are at play in my world. I scrutinize the under- or un-compensated, predominately female, domestic labor in the US. I hope that the groundbreaking statements for equity and justice coming out of Iran right now will galvanize domestic laborers everywhere.
According to Freida Afary, the outward ripples of the inclusive uprising in Iran actually touch women everywhere. “There is much that the global feminist movement can learn from the current women’s struggle in Iran and their vision” (This International Women’s Day, Iranian Feminists Are at the Front Lines, TRUTHOUT, 8, 2023).
Time to Take A Stand
Demands of feminist and labor groups in Iran face down recent atrocities, like mass poisoning of school girls. At the same time, they seek to emancipate people of all genders from circumstances we in the US tend to consider either status quo or up for debate. Think about the continuing wage gap and refusal of our government to pass legislation against it. Think about how much the ‘Me Too’ movement has shed light on, that continues without actual change. Crimes in all the categories following, certainly occur in our institutions. And then listen: domestic work is “onerous”. Wow, it is!!
“These statements have called for free and equal quality education for women and men at all levels without any gender segregation; women’s equal participation in the social, political and economic sphere; reproductive and abortion rights; divorce and custody rights; banning female genital mutilation, child marriage and polygamy; criminalizing gender violence and sexual harassment; categorizing domestic work as onerous labor requiring better compensation; and legal and health services for incarcerated women” (Afary 8).
The Invisible Role
I am struck by the defining of domestic work as “onerous labor”. I bet many women bearing the bulk of domestic work without pay would agree. It often falls to the mature woman of the house, by cultural default, to care for aging parents and raise the young. This work is not inherently onerous, but things would have to drastically change for it not to be-no matter how much ‘joy’ one individual might report deriving from it. Plenty of women are complaining, in the open or in secret, and have been for centuries.
It is inspiring to read the official demands of the movement that generated the global rally “woman, life, freedom!”:
…”The foundational protests that have upsurged today by women, university and high school students, teachers, workers, justice-seekers, artists, queers, writers and the majority of the oppressed people of Iran, …have attracted an unprecedented level of international support. These are protests that raise a banner of opposition to misogyny, gender discrimination, endless economic insecurity, enslavement of the labor force, poverty, misery, class oppression and oppression on the basis of nationality and religion“….
–The Statement of Minimum Demands of Independent Iranian Unions and Civil Society Organizations
In light of such visionary emancipation, I consider myself somewhat occupied. My mind and body are somewhat taken over by forces I do not entirely authorize. My painting will have to wait some more, due to my unpaid “occupations” as a mother/wife/caregiver: i.e., as a woman.
I love my roles, in general, most of the time. I also feel my breath catch for the time that I might join that “outside world”, a more public sphere. This undoubtedly will be a day when my son is a bit older.
In the meantime, I would like to be publicly recognized, and supported, for the meaningful role I have chosen to fulfill from a home: I am a child’s primary caregiver and nurturer (i.e., a role recognized legally as the one able to provide for the needs and wellbeing of the child, a role well-known as “stay at home” parent). Just like my husband is publicly recognized, and supported, for his meaningful role as our financial provider, a role commonly known as “breadwinner”.
Another mother recently asked our girlfriend group:
‘Why shouldn’t family caregivers be compensated?’
Why not indeed?
Working for Your Own Family
If in this society we have to work a wage or salary job, in order in great part to pay for someone else to raise our children, care for our elderly, and tend our homes? And if we choose or are forced, instead, to work directly for our families …. we get nothing?
Would I prefer to be compensated for the essential services I provide? Hell yes. Would I prefer to gain status with the crucial and specialized skills I have acquired taking care of others? Hell yes.
Should I accord myself more personal time, against the gendered expectations, obligations, and mounting daily tasks, to make the art that feeds my soul? Of course, I should.
On Women’s Day 2023: instead of posting the watercolor to women that has been unfinished on my desk for months, I took care of the immediate needs of the loved ones in my house, on my street, and in my school community. I:
- Packed my son’s lunch and backpack. 6:00am.
- Prepared food to deliver to an elderly neighbor/ill neighbor/new mother/family experiencing hardship. Yes I do this weekly.
- Went to work at my actual part-time “job” as a preschool teacher, which I love more than anything else I have ever been paid for, and for which I am paid more than the average but still not nearly enough. (Look it up, the wage for the people who help raise and educate your young children).
- Gave it my all with the children and my co-teachers, who also gave it their all.
- Changed out of muddied clothing in the car, scarfed down lunch as I drove to a meeting.
- Met with the principal of our son’s potential school next year.
- Drove to pick up said son. He had to stay in “extended day program” today. It was cacophonous when I arrived. My son:
- usually cheerful and animated at school (even when he melts-down on the sidewalk or car with me). Today his face was alarmingly blank, his shoulders hunched in a way I had never seen. Was he wearing the ear-muffs I tied to his backpack for just such a reason? No.
- Drove us home, Leon screaming at full volume the whole way. I know from experience he won’t take a hug, won’t eat, won’t rest. I gritted my teeth, watched the road, steered.
- Coaxed some food into my spent and hungry 5-year-old.
- Yelled ‘Yes!’ ferociously at my husband, when he wandered in from his home office, mis-read the situation, and complained of some housekeeping detail to me. Felt shame for lashing out at my loving, hardworking partner. Repaired, as best I could, the scare I gave my young son.
- Applied myself to said housekeeping: a mountain of dishes, a mountain of laundry, clutter and dirt.
- Delivered earlier-prepped meal to the family we know experiencing hardship.
- Ate dinner with my family. It was tense due to my earlier ferocious ‘Yes!’ yell. I apologized, sincerely yet succinctly, to my husband. I was unable to find words for the ocean of feelings and thoughts swimming inside me.
- Applied myself to more ‘mama work’ on the computer, as my husband put our son to bed.
- Fell onto my pillow-9:00pm. Slept the sleep of the dead until 4:25 am.
And now, with this previously unscheduled time before 6:00 am, I am writing to you. Happy Women’s Day!
